can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The uberlube is also flammable
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
