I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
