I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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