Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
