i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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