Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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