i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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