I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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