He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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