You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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