Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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