I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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