I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
