she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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