Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
