Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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