How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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