We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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