Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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