and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
