can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
