I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
