Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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