she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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