I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
