: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
