guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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