Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
