I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
