My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize