RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
