wat bout pragnant strippers??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
