I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
