naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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