that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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