i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
