awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
