She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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