Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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