Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
