When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
