Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
