wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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