Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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