Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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