The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
