My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize