she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
