I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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