Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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