he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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