Where is the hickey?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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