So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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