There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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