sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
did you just send me my own nude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
