Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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