And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?