The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
