I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die