I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.