I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
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It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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