i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You're like the curious george of whores
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up