Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
