I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
