Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
