He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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