oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
