I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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