The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
