I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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