I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
